[One of the things I love the most about this little fanfiction experiment of mine, is that I am now getting reviews from people being outraged with Ranma for not treating Nabiki better, and for not being smart enough/good enough for her. That is just ... AWESOME. Because, in the canon, Nabiki is (for the most part) not a sympathetic character. She isn't a villain (per se), but she isn't an altruistic heroine, either. The fact that I have been able to sway so many people to be on her side now, just makes me very happy ^_^]

"Try, Ranma. I said I would try not to hurt her." Nabiki said in a shaky voice as she felt tears well up in her eyes. She could feel how disappointed he was in her. It was radiating off of him. It wasn't fair of him to place all of the blame on her! She had asked him if he was ready! She had told him that she had no backup plan if the first one didn't work. She had told him Ukyo might take it badly. She had given him a chance to back out! There was nothing else she could have done and actually still have gone through with the plan.
"Let's just ... let's just go home, all right?" He said softly as he looked away from her and started walking rapidly away from Ukyo's.
"All ... All right." She replied as she fell into step behind him. It was clear he wanted to put as much distance between himself and the sobs they could both still hear coming from Ukyo.
He walked very briskly away from Ukyo's restaurant, and she had to struggle to keep up. He wasn't quite running, but his fast walk had just enough of a long stride to make her need to almost jog to keep up with him. It was amazing how many guys didn't understand that. Well, she hoped he didn't understand, and he wasn't just doing it spitefully to make her hurry to keep up.
After they had covered several blocks, her breathing was starting to become audible as she strained to keep up with him. He looked back at her with an unreadable expression on his face, then slowed down dramatically. When she reached him, he hesitantly reached his hand back towards her and waited until she took it. Then he set off again towards home, with her in tow. She wondered if his hand was a gesture meant to reassure her, or if he simply wanted to help hurry her along.
He didn't resume his brisk page, though. His stride was much slower now, and she was able to keep up with him without having to strain. She was still embarrassed at how out of breath she was, compared to him. So she used a combination of holding her breath and breathing shallowly through her open mouth to cover how out of breath she actually was.
He didn't look back at her again as they made their way home. He kept his eyes down and forward. His hand in hers was limp and lifeless as well. She could tell he was in distress, but because he wasn't talking to her, she didn't know what, exactly, he was upset about. Was he upset about the plan? Was he upset that Ukyo had cried? Was he upset about losing Ukyo? Was he upset with what Ukyo had said about herself? Was he upset with her for making him promise to end things with the rest of them? Was he ... was he sick of her? Was she too cold and calculating for him? Had Ukyo's words to him made him realize that?
They reached the gate to her family's lands, and she tugged on his hand to get him to stop. He did so, rather reluctantly. But he didn't look back at her. She bit her lip to keep herself from crying, and tugged on his hand again a bit more urgently. He was acting like he was angry with her, and it was causing her to panic. He sighed and looked back at her with cloudy eyes.
"Ranma ... I'm sorry, all right? That was the best I could do to help you end things with her. I tried, I really did try to make it something that would be good for her." She whispered.
He nodded but didn't say anything, and he kept his eyes downcast.
"If you had known that was what the plan was, would you still have gone through with it?" She asked sadly.
He looked at her for a moment, then shrugged. Then, after a moment he eventually nodded a small nod and looked down again.
"Then I'm not sure what else I could have done. If you had known of the plan beforehand, you would have tipped her off, and the whole thing probably would have collapsed. Ukyo can read you really well. Your reactions had to be genuine for her to believe it." She said desperately.
He nodded at that.
"I didn't want her to be hurt. But I told you back when we made our promises to each other, that they would probably cry when you broke things off. There just ... isn't much I can do about that. The only way they could be unaffected when it happened, is if they never had any real feelings for you in the first place. I did my best to protect Ukyo from the pain, and I tried to make it as easy for her as I could. I tried, all right?" She whispered fiercely to him as a tear escaped and slid down her cheek.
She was right on the verge of losing control. She hated, she absolutely hated having him upset with her, and the silent treatment was the absolute worst. She knew, because she did it to people all the time.
She knew she wasn't acting strong right now. She knew that she wasn't living up to the cold, untouchable persona she had crafted for herself. And she didn't care. This was more important to her than appearing strong in other people's eyes.
He looked up at her then with less cloudy eyes, and smiled tightly at her and squeezed her hand. "I ... I know ya did. I just ... I need some time to think, okay? This is hard for me. Can you ... is it all right ... if Doctor Tofu watches you and Akane tonight?" He whispered as he looked away from her again.
Her heart froze. She searched his face for the Ranma she knew. She wanted to see her friend, her guardian, the young man whom she trusted. If it was over, she would rather break it off now, rather than have him punish her for a while, grow more distant, and then break it off. He seemed so ... angry. He was pretending like he wasn't, but that was just making it worse. She reached for his other hand, and tugged on both his hands urgently and eventually got him to look up at her again.
She sucked air in through her teeth and shivered involuntarily. She could see it in his eyes. Her Ranma was still in there, but he was buried under a lot of darkness at the moment. He was faking a smile for her, and looking at her because she wanted him to, but she could tell he didn't really want to look at her at the moment. Her Ranma wasn't gone; she could see in his eyes that the spark was still there, it was just muted, and going dark. Her pride warred with her passion for a second, then she threw herself into his arms and hugged him fiercely as she buried her face into the silky shirt on his chest.
He caught her and held her loosely in his warm arms, even more loosely than he had in the morning. She wanted to sob, but the hot ball of pain inside her was caught in her throat. The best she could do was open her mouth and kind of make a choking sound. After a few moments, his compassion kicked in and he held her a little more tightly and rocked back and forth with her as she shuddered with emotion.
"I'm sorry ... I'm sorry, all right? I tried, I tried to help you end things with her as well as I could. There wasn't anything else I could think of to make it easier!"
He nodded, but didn't speak.
She braced herself and tried to come up with something to say to fix it. "If ... if you want ... you can go back and talk to her ... I'll ... I'll stay here. You can, maybe make it better? If you talk to her? Or ..." She pulled in a tremendous breath and clutched the back of his shirt tightly as she summoned the willpower to say it, "... or ... you could go tell her not to go. That will make her feel better." She whispered to him. She had nothing else left to say, so she just held on to him with shaking hands atop shaking legs, and hoped it wouldn't be the last time she did so.
After a long while, she had no idea how long, he finally whispered to her. "I'm not gonna go see her. You were right, it can't go on forever. I just ... I just need some time, okay? I need ta think ... by myself ... for a while." He said as he stepped back and held her out at arm's length. He still wasn't looking at her.
She sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve and nodded. There wasn't anything else she could do. She wanted to ask him if it was over, but she couldn't. Her pride would only allow her to bend so far, and ... she was also terrified of the answer.
He looked at her briefly and smiled a weak, half-smile at her, as he stepped back and let go of her arms. She returned his weak smile with her own fake smile, and let her hands drop to her sides. She wasn't defeated yet, but she didn't know what to do next. She'd never before been in the situation she was in now. She'd never been in a relationship before now ... well, not one where she cared about her partner anyway, not a real relationship. She didn't know how to handle a romantic partner being upset with her. He'd asked for space, and time to think, so that was what she would give him, not that she had a lot of options open to her at the moment.
He stepped back away from her again, and she smiled as bravely as she could, and nodded at him that it was all right for him to leave her. He nodded back, and stepped back again. She couldn't stop herself from trying one last time. "If you ... if you change your mind, I'll leave your bed out for you." She whispered to him. He nodded again without looking at her, then stepped through the gate, and was gone. She didn't know if that had been his way of ending things with her or not. She started to hyperventilate as she tried to fight back the tears as her vision darkened at the edges.
We never even went on our date. She thought miserably as she gave in and finally let the tears escape. She leaned heavily up against the cold wall to her family's lands, slid down it to the cold ground, and cried silently as she covered her face with her hands and propped her elbows up on her knees. She didn't know how long she sat there on the cold ground while she shuddered as she made every effort to let the tears out while she stayed silent. Eventually, some time later, she felt someone's presence next to her.
Normally she would have done something to mask how she was feeling. But considering what she was going through at the moment, and that she was facing the very real possibility that her brief relationship with Ranma was over, she didn't care if someone caught her crying right now.
She looked up to her left and found Doctor Tofu standing next to her, and looking down at her with sympathy on his face. She didn't know why, but she felt an irrational surge of white-hot anger at the sight of him. Something inside her ached. Doctor Tofu was always so kind to her though, it just wouldn't be appropriate for her to vent on him. So, she sealed the impulse away and prevented herself from shouting the hateful words she wanted to shout for him to go away and leave her alone. Instead she just said a single word to him in a cold voice.
"What?"
That was was all she could muster to say in the state she was in right now. She surprised even herself by how angry her tone of voice sounded, even with the controls she had placed on it to try to hide how she was feeling.
It didn't seem to faze him. He smiled down at her and then crouched down to sit next to her. He didn't say anything for a long while. And she didn't care. She wiped her face with the backs of her hands, and in turn wiped her hands on the rough cotton of her school dress. With that done, she looked up at the sky above the rooftops, and watched the last rays of the setting sun coloring the sky, and tried to regain her composure.
"It never gets any easier, does it?" He asked her after a long while.
She didn't know what he meant, and she still didn't feel like speaking, so she didn't reply.
"Would you like some advice?" He asked her gently.
She felt the anger flare up in herself again, and this time she gave into it a little bit. "Didn't you tell me just the other day that you had no right to give me advice about my love life?" She said in a low, dangerous voice as she bit out each word slowly. She was getting close to be being out of control. She knew that. She also knew it wasn't fair for her to direct her anger at Doctor Tofu, but she couldn't seem to help herself.
He was silent for a while after that. When he spoke again, it was in the same tone of voice he always used, but she could tell by his inflection that she had struck a nerve in him. Oddly, though, the inflection seemed to be in deference to herself, and not the righteous indignation she had been expecting.
"You're right, I did say that. And I still have no right to give you advice about your love life. I wasn't suggesting I give you any." He said quietly, in a very gentle tone. "Would you like the advice?" He asked again.
She kept her eyes straight ahead, and pulled in deep breaths as she tried to bring herself back under control. Once she had done that, she shrugged in reply.
He was silent again for many minutes before he spoke again. "What I will tell you is this ... men ... have feelings too. And, sometimes ... men will act emotionally, instead of rationally. That isn't romantic advice, if anything it's medical advice." He said softly as he stood up.
She didn't look at him, or speak. But she did nod. She felt his presence leave a few moments later, and she breathed in deeply, then ran through some breathing exercises to help calm herself down. She then examined what he had told her with the intellect she was so proud of.
I have a pretty good idea of what he meant by that. Could it be ... could it be this is just Ranma's way of ... mourning? Maybe ... maybe he isn't upset with me, at all? Is that it? She thought hopefully to herself as she stood up and brushed herself off. She was grasping at straws, but it was all she had left. She couldn't just give up. It wasn't in her nature to give up.
She walked through the gates towards the house, and found Doctor Tofu standing there, with his hands clasped behind his back, like a soldier. He had been giving her the space she needed, while still standing guard over her while she sat outside the walls.
She nodded at him and walked past him. She still wasn't ready to speak to him. She decided to walk around the land around the house for a while and try to calm down.
Doctor Tofu gave me the space he knew I needed ... just like Ranma asked me for. Is that it? Will it be okay, if I just leave him alone tonight? She mused as she walked.
She found herself behind the house near the rear doorway by the kitchen. She thought about going inside and trying to talk to Kasumi, but couldn't seem to make her feet walk towards the door. She sighed and kept moving. She rounded the corner of the house, and froze in the shadows.
Ranma was sitting out near the Koi pond and staring blankly into the waters. His back was mostly facing her where he was sitting, but she could see a small sliver of his face as well. His jaw was set, and his eyes were glassy. He was obviously upset.
She wanted to go sit next to him, and just keep him company, while he worked through whatever he was working through. She even took a step to do it, but stopped herself. He had, specifically, asked her for time to think, and for space. She had to respect that. She sighed and took a step back to retreat to the rear door to go inside, then froze again.
Akane was walking towards Ranma with purpose in her stride. She felt anger stirring in her chest again. Akane stopped and stood next to him and said something to him that she couldn't hear. Ranma looked up at Akane and said something in reply.
Akane then sat down next to him. Very close to him, actually. They sat that way for a while in silence, and she again considered retreating. It did no harm for Akane to sit next to him. If Ranma would allow Akane to sit next to him, but not her right now, that hurt, but it wasn't that terrible.
A moment later though, it all changed. He leaned his head down against Akane's shoulder, and she could see his body shudder. Was he ... was he crying? Ranma didn't cry ... was he just shaking from emotion? She didn't know. What she did know was that he was leaning on Akane for support and not her. Akane tensed up at first, then put her arm around him and held him as he leaned on her. She covered her mouth with her cold hands and leaned back against the rough bark of the tree she was standing under and closed her eyes. It took every ounce of her strength that she had left not to scream in rage and heartbreak at the scene unfolding in front of her.
The dragon inside her let out a growl that turned into a whimper. She forced herself to open her eyes and watched them together for a moment longer, then pushed off from the tree and retreated slowly into the shadows back towards the house. She couldn't watch any more. She was angry and sad at the same time. She wanted to rush out there, kick Akane away, grab him, and shake him, and demand to know why he could lean on Akane for support, but not her! Akane hadn't protected him yesterday, she had! Akane hadn't been able to say she wanted to be engaged to him in front of the family, she had! It wasn't fair!
She felt the tears coming back, as she turned her back on the disturbing scene in front of her and rushed to the back door of the house. She was doing everything she could to keep her composure until she was inside the house. She could feel the pressure of the sobs that wanted to come at the back of her throat, and her eyes burned with unshed tears.
She yanked the door to the kitchen open, and was surprised to find the kitchen empty. There were pots simmering on the stove, but Kasumi was absent. She didn't waste time wondering about it, though. She rushed through the kitchen and into the hallway that led to the stairs. The only thought on her mind right now was to get to her room so she could have some privacy when she lost control.
When she entered the hallway, she froze when she saw Kasumi at the other end of it. Her elder sister was looking out towards the dining room. If the doors to the porch were open, then Kasumi could see Ranma and Akane together. She didn't want to know. Instead she turned towards the other end of the hallway and hurried towards the stairs. She paused again a moment later when Kasumi spoke.
"Let me know ... if you feel like talking." Her older sister said quietly to her back.
She nodded but didn't turn around, then hurried up the stairs to her room. As soon as she was inside the four walls of her bedroom, she let the emotions she was feeling pull her mouth into a wordless open-mouthed grimace as she breathed in heavily and clenched her eyes shut as the tears came again.
She slumped down to the floor right where she was standing, and leaned against the door, and released the controls on her emotions. She slumped even further to the ground a moment later, and lay on her side as her small frame shuddered from the sobs she was allowing to come, even as she labored to keep them silent. The last thing in the world she wanted was for Daddy to hear her and to go charging out to force Ranma to her side. She'd break it off with him before she allowed that to happen.
She also didn't want Ranma to hear her, feel guilty, and come up to see her while pretending things were all right, out of his sense of duty. She lay her head in the crook of her arm and let her tears run down her elbow to the carpet. As she cried, she ran her mind over the problem she was facing, and tried to come up with a solution.
He told me that he would have gone through with the plan anyway, even if he had known what it was going to be. He hasn't said anything to me about being upset with me, aside from telling me he thought I had said I wouldn't hurt Ukyo. But he's obviously upset, and at least a little of it has to be because of me. And he's going to Akane for support. So ... what do I do? She didn't have any answers for herself.
Then a thought struck her. An awful thought. She curled up into a ball and berated herself as she thought it over. I am such an idiot. He's going to go back to Akane, and I've already helped clear the field of the only other two serious obstacles that were in Akane's way. Was that ... was that Akane's plan all along? Wait until I did the dirty work, and then swoop in and take him back? What have I done? She thought darkly to herself as a small wail escaped her lips and her crying got less quiet.
She stayed that way until she was finally able to wrestle control of herself back from her emotions. She then forced herself to stand up on shaky legs and walked over to her bed and sat down. She just sat there and stared at nothing for a while, as she thought. She had all sorts of plans forming in her mind, but most of them were centered on revenge. In the face of what seemed to be almost certain defeat, she was falling back on what she knew, and that was the Ice Queen.
After a while, she took a deep shuddering breath and forced herself to abandon that train of thought. She stood up, and took multiple slow, deep and purposeful breaths as she tried to center herself. When that was done, she forced herself to move on shaky legs and to run through the Kenpo drills she knew how to do. That made her feel better. She knew the light aerobic exercise was just helping her body release serotonin, which was making her feel better, but it didn't matter. What mattered was she was regaining control.
She had no idea why she was in the state she was in. A week ago, she would never have dreamed of herself being in the emotional turmoil she was in now, and yet here she was. Ever since he had caught her and saved her from falling, and made the connection with her, she had been off center. Everything was changing, inside of herself and outside. She didn't think she could stop everything that was happening, even if she wanted to. What she did know was that she could only ride it out now as best she could. It wasn't in her to give up.
She nodded to herself. If Akane's plan had been to wait until she had done the dirty work, and then to try to take him back, that was fine. It didn't mean he would go back with Akane. And she certainly wasn't going to make it easy on Akane by just giving up. She nodded again then settled into a training horse-stance and focused on herself. After a moment, she reached inside to her core, grabbed hold of what she still thought of as her courage, and pulled. 
Once she had hold of the energy inside of herself, she focused on it and worked to make it into a battle aura. She watched her skin, and was happy to see little blue waves of energy begin to dance around on it. She held it as long as she could until her focus slipped and she lost it. Then she did it again, and again, and again. Each time she learned a little bit more about the process, and got better at holding on to it. After a while, she was able to hold on to it, and move around. Then she ran through her drills again, while holding on to her Ki and producing a battle aura. She noticed, as she moved through the drills, that this time she felt like there was a purpose to her motions. She felt that when she was using her Ki, everything she did was sharper, had more power behind it, and flowed together better.
When she had finished with that, she focused again and let her aura slip as she worked on the focusing techniques Ranma had shown her for being able to see other people's battle auras. She was just dropping down into the state of mind he had shown her where she would be able to tap into her Ki to see when a knock sounded at her door.
"What?" She called out in irritation as she worked to keep her focus from breaking.
"It's me, may I come in?" Came Doctor Tofu's voice.
She felt a small surge of anger again, but ignored it. "Yeah, I guess." She called out as she continued to try to hold her focus.
The door to her room opened slowly, and he poked his head in. She saw his eyes rest on her face briefly, before he wisely moved on with his visual scan of her and her room. "Is everything all right? I could have sworn I felt something up here." He said quietly as he leaned up against her door.
She really didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment, but she didn't want him hovering around her room either, so she let go of the focusing she was trying to do, and sat down heavily on her bed. "That was me. I was practicing my battle auras."
"Ah, I see. Did Ranma teach you?" He asked quietly.
"No, my parents did, actually. He ... just helped me remember what I had learned." She replied in a measured voice. She wanted to get this over with and get back to practicing. She wanted to take her mind off of everything, and forcing herself to focus on her Ki was as good a way to do that as anything else.
"All right. Well, anyway, I came up to see you because I wanted to talk about sleeping arrangements for tonight. May I come in and shut the door?" He asked her in a formal tone.
She looked up sharply at him and nodded. He smiled gently at her and stepped all the way into her room, and shut the door behind himself. Then he came over and sat down on the floor beneath her bed. She backed up and sat on the bed, then she just watched him and waited. She didn't know what to expect, so she didn't dare let herself hope for anything.
When he was settled, he looked up at her with unreadable eyes. "Ranma came to me a little while ago, and asked me quietly if I could watch you tonight, without letting your father know. Are you aware of this?" He asked her gently.
She nodded again and bit the tip of her tongue to keep from tearing up. It was really happening. She seemed to be losing him. Everything she had been doing to try to regain her center now seemed like a foolish waste of energy. She could feel the weight of it all settle on to her. She didn't know if she would be able to get out from under it this time.
Doctor Tofu continued, oblivious to her internal struggle. "You know I don't really approve of your Father's insistence that he sleep with you girls alone at night to protect you. So I am fine with this ... if you are. I can keep it from your father that Ranma isn't watching you tonight, and I am more than capable of watching you in his place. Are you all right with that?" He asked her kindly.
She just stared at him. She couldn't, she just couldn't bring herself to say yes to that, or to nod, or in any way indicate that she was all right with it, because she WAS NOT all right with it. She could feel her lower lip begin to tremble and there wasn't anything she could do about it. Her body was betraying her.
He looked at her with kind eyes for a while, then spoke again. "Would you ... like me to tell him that I can't do it? That if he wants to avoid what your father thinks of as his duty, that he will have to talk to Soun?"
She looked down and put her hands on her knees and pulled in a deep breath. She held it for a moment, then let it out slowly as she shook her head no. She was not going to force Ranma to do anything he didn't want to do. And she certainly wasn't going to use Daddy to get what she wanted from him. The very idea was repulsive to her.
She couldn't bring herself to look up at Doctor Tofu again, though. She had managed to keep herself from openly crying, but she knew it was showing on her face now. So she kept her eyes down and waited for him to leave.
A few moments later, she heard him stand up. "All right, Nabiki. I will tell him that I will watch you tonight. And I will keep your father from finding out about it." He said kindly, in a soft voice. Then she heard his footsteps recede from her as he walked to the door. She heard him put his hand on the doorknob, then he paused for a moment. "Oh, and Kasumi told me to tell you that Kuno called earlier. He said he would call again tomorrow morning, though."
She nodded again. She couldn't care less about Kuno right now. He could be on fire and needing someone to put him out, or he could be standing outside to give her a Million Yen. She didn't care. She didn't care about anything right now. She heard her door open and close, and as soon as it did, she laid back on her bed, curled up into a ball, and cried.
Had it been a mistake? Had she ever had a real chance with him? Had he even been honest with her? What if everything that had been happening was really just his revenge for what she had put him through before the hedge maze? She didn't know.
After a while, when she had no more tears left, she stood up robotically out of her bed and went through the zombie-like motions of getting ready for bed. She stripped off her clothing slowly, without any real care or process to what she was doing. Everything ended up in a pile on the floor. She would bathe in the morning. She changed into new lingerie as she popped a few cookies into her mouth from one of her stashes. She didn't feel like facing the family right now to go downstairs for dinner. Then she threw on a robe and walked woodenly across the hall to the bathroom and quickly brushed her teeth and washed her face.
She returned to her room without having seen anyone. In some ways, she was sad about that. She wanted to talk about her fears. But she couldn't bring herself to seek someone out to talk to about it. She sighed and went back into her room and closed the door. She eyed the futon that was still on the floor where she had told Ranma to leave it that morning. Everything that had happened then seemed like it had happened a lifetime ago. She decided to leave it out because she had told him she would. She didn't want to admit, even to herself, that she also didn't want to put it away, because it meant she would be giving up hope. She couldn't do that until she knew for sure that it was over.
She thought about putting on pajamas over her lingerie, but couldn't summon the energy to do it. It doesn't matter anyway, nobody is going to be sharing my room with me tonight. She thought bitterly as she curled up into a ball on her bed under her blanket and clutched her pillow to her chest. She seriously thought about getting out of bed and grabbing Ranma's pillow from his futon. It would smell like him. But that was just so pathetic, it made her want to cry just thinking about it.
So she settled for her own company, her own pillow, and her own smells. She had already cried out all the tears she was going to be able to summon for the night, so there was nothing left to do but go to sleep. She found her mind unusually difficult to shut down, but eventually she managed, and could feel herself drifting off to sleep. She was already forgetting what it had been like to have him hold her while she slept.

***

That night she dreamed restless dreams of darkness, anger, loneliness and despair. Ranma featured prominently in most of them. In some of them he let her fall to the ground when the balcony had broken, and then stood over her and laughed with Akane in his arms. In others he left her standing alone in the hallway outside his classroom, never meeting her when he had promised to do so, while everyone pointed and laughd. In another dream he got up from sleeping with her and said he'd rather sleep outside than with her. And in one sad dream he stood silently in her room while she slept, and just watched her for a while before going to sleep next to her and holding her hand. That one was the worst one, because it was what her heart wanted desperately to happen.