[soundtrack for this: Stand By You, by Rachel Platten]

[ Author's notes: Yes, the writing is different in this chapter. Yes, it was done on purpose. Yes, it has a meaning. No, I won't tell you what it is ;) I wrote this chapter to connect to the last chapter a long time after I wrote what is now chapter 54. During production of this story I always just had chapter 54 titled the "breaking point" chapter, for obvious reasons ;)
I will be releasing one more chapter after this on the regular schedule next week. Then there will be a hiatus. During the hiatus I will launch a final contest for feedback on my writing (positive this time). When I end the hiatus, I will post the final chapters of this story one per day, until the story is finished. Thanks for coming along with me on this journey, we are nearing the end. I hope you are enjoying it ;) ]

He will be the person that you want to be there when you are sad and when you are happy.

Mommy is talking to me. I am listening to Mommy tell me about boys in Mommy's warm lap. I love Mommy.

"—ow is she?" A man's voice is saying. 
"—s well as can be expected." Another man says, both of them sound fuzzy. Is that Daddy? No, someone else. Mommy is fading. Where is Mommy going? I'm sitting on the cold floor. Mommy's warm lap is gone?
"—at's wrong with her?" The first man asks.
"—othing's wrong with her. I have been expecting this for a long time now. I'm actually impressed with how long she was able to shut the grief out and keep it bottled up. But with her feelings for him growing stronger, the only way for her to let him in to be with her the way she wants him to be, was to let the grief out and unfreeze herself. She had to un-freeze time inside herself ... she's finally going to have to let herself experience the pain."
Some man is talking. Where is Mommy? Where is Daddy? I'm in a bed. Why am I in a bed? Where is Mommy? Someone is sitting next to me on the bed and talking. It's the other man. Where's Daddy?
"—ill she be all right?" That's Daddy. Daddy is nearby. I feel a little better. But ... where is Mommy?
"—at depends on her. I'm not all right, but I manage. She has been in denial about it for so long, the transition to anger today was a total shock to her system. I have no idea how long she will be in the anger stage. She will probably skip bargaining. I'm worried about depression though. She'll need help with that." The other man says ... I know that man. That man told me he would take care of Mommy. He PROMISED me he'd take care of her, and that Mommy would be all right. Mommy is ... sick, that's where Mommy is. The man is going to make Mommy better. Isn't he?
"I can help her." Daddy says.
"—on't think you can. I don't think I can either." The man who promised he'd make Mommy better says. Mommy's sick, but where is she?
"Then who?" Daddy says.
"—e'll have to." The other man says. He's a Doctor, right? Where is Mommy? Is Mommy better yet?
"But ... she will eventually be all right?" Daddy asks. Is Daddy talking about me, or Mommy?
"I ... can't say. How about you, how are you?" The Doctor asks.
"As long as I have my girls, I can hang on." Daddy says.
"And ... when the last of them gets married and moves on?" The Doctor asks. Tofu ... Tofu, that's his name. He's going to make Mommy better.
"Then ... I will join my beloved wife." Daddy says simply. Join her? Join her where? Where is Mommy?
There is silence for a few moments. Then Tofu speaks again, quietly. "Is that what she would have wanted?"
"I don't care." Daddy says darkly. His voice scares me.
"She was my friend before she was your wife, I know she wouldn't want that." Tofu says followed by more silence.

DEAD!

They're talking about Mommy!
Mommy ... Mom, is dead!
Daddy is talking about dying to be with Mom!
I gasp sharply as I wake all the way up. The person sitting on the bed next to me jerks as if startled. "—f ... leave me ...—rphan b'fore ... time ...nev'r f'rgiv..." I rasp weakly to Daddy with my eyes still tightly closed.
I hear footsteps running to me, then a man's weight settles gently on my body. I can tell by the smell of his cologne that it's Daddy. He buries his face in my neck, and starts to cry.
"Oh, baby, don't worry. Ignore me. I wasn't serious. Those were just empty words from a bitter, foolish old man." Daddy says as he cries on me.
I feel Tofu stroke my hair. It isn't helping me feel better. I feel ... dark. I feel like I'm ... falling. I need ... I need...
"R-Ranma, where ..." I rasp painfully, my throat hurts for some reason.
"Ranma is ... right outside the door, actually. He has been standing out there waiting to see you since ... earlier. He's very worried about you." Daddy says as he regains control of himself and lifts himself off me.
His words make me feel a little better. Not much, but a little. "Akane...?" I ask weakly.
"Your sister is sleeping. It's the middle of the night." Tofu says. Luckily, you brought the military in to guard the house, so that freed us up to tend to things. Tofu says in a thin attempt at humor. His nervous chuckle dies on his lips though when I don't respond.
"Akane's fine, baby." Daddy tries to reassure me. Good, I'm glad. I hadn't meant to get so angry with her.
"Ka-Kasumi?" I ask. Kasumi had been crying. Kasumi never cried.
Nobody says anything for a moment, then Daddy answers gently. "S-she's resting too. I'm afraid she's having a bit of a hard time, like you are. Doctor Tofu and I are keeping an eye on her, same as with you." Daddy says gently.
I think about that sadly. It seems the only person who's mask hasn't broken, is Tofu's. It's cracked, but it isn't broken. I want to crack a joke about Tofu being near Kasumi's bed, but I can't seem to summon the will to do so. I'm very tired, and I hurt so badly. "I ... sorry ... Tofu ... I—" I try to say weakly.
"It never happened. Don't even think about it, Nabiki. I would stand there and let you hit me all day, every day, if it made you feel better." He says kindly as he strokes my hair again.
I can feel myself starting to cry again as the pain surges inside me again. I'm sorry I was out of control earlier. But I'm also still angry at him. I need help. I'm falling. I can't seem to open my eyes. I'm ... slipping into the darkness. I need help, NOW!

You'll want him to be there when you are sad.

"C-c'n yu ... br-br- get ... Ran...Ranma?" I rasp urgently.
"Are you sure, baby? I can take care of you." Daddy says to me worriedly.
I shake my head softly as I scrunch my eyes even more tightly closed. It hurts everywhere for me to talk or move. My body isn't really what hurts so much ... it's my insides that hurt. I'm hurt .. badly ... I'm dying.
"R-Ran-ma." I manage to labor out again. My thoughts are swirling in a chaotic mess. At the center of my wandering thoughts is Mom. Mom is front and center in my mind right next to the gaping, ragged edged hole in my soul that Mom's absence left me with. I can see Mom's face with my eyes closed. I'm certain that even if my eyes were open, Mom's face would be ghosting over everything.

The boy that will be for you will be someone you trust, completely.

I am caught between despair and panic. I don't know what is going to make me better. I don't even know if I can get better. I'm broken. I don't think I've really been whole since Mom died. All I know right now is that I miss Mom terribly. I love Daddy, but he can't fix that. And Tofu can't heal me of this.
Hell, I don't think Ranma can make it better either. But ... I want him here anyway. Ranma isn't a healer, or a therapist, he isn't even that great of a listener. But I need him. I feel myself slipping into the abyss. I need an anchor to keep me out of the darkness. I am terrified of what will happen to me if I allow the darkness to pull me all the way down. I don't think I will be able to climb back out if that happens.

You'll want him to be there when you are sad.

"Of course, baby. I'll go get him." Daddy's voice says. It sounds like he is a lot further away than I know he is. I hear my bedroom door open and close softly, and I close my eyes and try to control the chaos inside myself. But, if anything, my efforts are just making it worse.

He will be kind to you.
He will be your confidant.
He will be your friend.

A moment or a hundred years later, I have no idea, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I know immediately that it's Ranma. I can sense him now. When did that happen? I don't know, but it has. Just having him next to me quiets down my mind a bit. I blink my eyes open and look around the room. Ranma is standing next to my bed and looking down at me with an open expression of anguish on his face. He looks devastated. Daddy and Tofu are no longer in the room.
"R-Ranma?" I make myself say.
He nods fiercely.

You'll want him to be there...

"I...I hurt..." I manage to say weakly.
He nods again. I can see in the dim light that he's crying. Dual streaks are running down his cheeks. The great Ranma Saotome, the fearless young man who can fight and win against any foe, is powerless in the face of a problem he can't fight. Still, it makes me feel a tiny bit better that he cares enough about me to be affected so strongly by me being in pain. I can tell he wants to help, he just doesn't know how.
"C-can you..." I try to say, but I have to pause to gather my strength.
"Can I what? What do you need, Nabiki?" He asks earnestly as he crouches down and brings his face right next to mine.
"C-can ... you h-hold me? ... cold." I manage to get out. I know it's impossible for me to be cold. I'm in my bed wrapped in blankets inside my house. But, regardless, I feel cold — at least, those are the best words I can come up with to describe how I feel. My senses are messed up. I can't even really feel my skin right now. The coldness inside me is overpowering my sense of the rest of myself. The world has gone quiet and colorless. I'm dying.
"S-sure, Nabiki ... sure." He says hesitantly. I know he's probably nervous to be climbing into bed with me. But I don't want him to be with me sexually. I need him right now to be my friend, to be my anchor.
I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. The pain inside me is overpowering everything. I honestly feel that if I don't find a way to deal with it, I really am going to die.

He will be kind to you.

A moment later I feel Ranma gently lift me with his incredibly strong arms. He lays me down softly a little further into the bed. A moment later I feel him climb into the bed behind me carefully. I can feel him lay down and then put an arm around my waist after that. It isn't enough.
Having him in my bed with me should be comforting. But, I feel no connection with him. I'm under the blankets, and he's on top of them and only draping an arm over me. I need a connection to him. If anything, his careful approach to holding me is just making the pain inside me worse.
I open my mouth to speak, but instead gasp as a wave of pain crashes into me. I shudder as the tears come again. Ranma squeezes me with the arm he has around me, but I barely feel it.
"M-more." I manage to choke out as I cry and the icy cold darkness grips me more tightly. He squeezes me a little harder. I shake my head weakly as the pain takes my breath away and the shuddering gets worse. "N-no ... more ... y-you ... hold ... pl—pleea..." I get out but I interrupt myself as a spasm of pain hits me and forces me to involuntarily arch my back and scream as an intense wave of the pain hits me so hard I almost pass out.
Dimly, in the back of my mind, I know that Ranma must be freaking out. I'm sure he has no idea how to handle the situation he's in. But I need him to figure it out anyway. I feel myself slipping into the abyss. If I had to describe it to someone, I would tell them that I feel myself hanging off a cliff suspended over a pit of ... nothing. I feel like only one arm and my head are above the edge of the cliff now; the rest of me is dangling precariously over the abyss with nothing to anchor me in place.
"P-please ... fa-falling...help ... hold ...pl—" I try to say as I try to fight past the pain, but I again interrupt myself as my body spasms again and I have to clench my teeth tightly to ride out the pain as best I can. I can feel myself falling further into the abyss. I am curling up on myself as tightly as I can, trying to arrest the pain. My breathing is coming in rapid, short, sharp gasps now. I can't feel him anymore. I can't feel anything outside of the pain inside myself. The pain is winning. Oh God, it hurts so much! Death has to be better than this, it has to be!
"Please." I whimper desperately as tears leak down my cheeks and I gasp from the pain.
A moment later I feel a tremendous warmth spring into life behind me. I know, without sight or sound, that Ranma is coming for me.

He will be the love of your life.

I feel him urgently put his hands under me and lift me up into his arms as waves of heat pour off him and into me. I feel him wrap me in his arms as I lay staring unseeing at the ceiling. My eyes are open, but all I see is the darkness now. I'm falling. Oh God, it hurts so bad!
"Hang on, Nabiki! Hang on!" I hear Ranma say in a panicky voice from very far away. I want to turn back for him, but I don't think I can anymore. The pain is pulling me down relentlessly.
"No! Listen to me! Fight! Don't give in! You're stronger than this! Fight! You're gonna be all right, stay with me!" I hear him shout louder to me. The heat that's pouring off him starts to reach me.
In my mind I turn my head wearily towards the sound of his voice as I hold on to the cliff by my fingertips. I can more feel him now, than see him. He's a bright beacon of warmth pushing the darkness away. He's coming for me, I just have to hang on a little longer ... just a little longer I repeat to myself.
Dimly, I am aware that I am draped limply in his arms, as he holds me in my bed in a half sitting position. But I only exist in my mind right now. I am still hanging from the cliff over the abyss, I can feel my strength giving out.
"Dying..." I manage to whisper.
"You are not! Come back, Nabiki. Come back! Now! I won't let you go, Nabiki, I won't!" I hear him call to me with a voice heavy with the power he's using for me. The intense energy of the waves of heat pouring off him reach into me. I shudder as they start to break through the icy darkness that's pulling me down. I feel his powerful presence in my mind reach down to me, hanging from the cliff, grab hold of me tightly, and pull me up.
The darkness doesn't want to let go of me, though. It clings to me tightly as he pulls me up. I feel like I'm being ripped apart. I scream again as my body convulses.
A moment later I feel him burn with a different and stronger kind of heat as he shouts for me while he holds me in his strong arms. I don't know what Ranma did, but he feels different now. "No! Nabiki, no! You have to fight! Don't give up! Fight, Nabiki, fight!" I understand what he's saying ... but I'm so tired ... I don't want to fight any more. His voice is shaking, I can tell he's scared. I love that he's scared for me.
Love.
Love ... I love him.
Does he love me? I don't really know. He seems to. Is that enough?
"Nabiki, listen to me, you have to fight. Don't give in to it, Nabiki. I know about pain, you have to fight, you can't give up, or it wins! Come back to me ... please." I hear him say. I can feel his hot tears dripping on to my face and mixing with my own. That's what's different about the heat coming from him now. I can feel his emotions. He's putting into his aura what he still has trouble saying.

You are going to need a special boy.
He will cherish you.
He will be the love of your life.

I gasp loudly as something inside me ignites. It's an old part of me, a forgotten part that's been shut off and hidden for a very long time.
Love.
I love him.
I will ... I'll fight ... for him.
I concentrate, and try desperately to pull myself out of the clutches of the abyss. I pull on Ranma's strength. I use the heat of him to help fuel my escape. Dimly I see a small golden light appear at the edges of my vision. It's hardly anything, but it's pushing back against the darkness.
My breath is coming in ragged gasps as I twist in his arms and whimper as hot tears pour out the sides of my tightly clenched eyes.
"That's it, come on, Nabiki. Come back, fight back!" I hear him say. I reach down inside myself and grab hold of the old part of myself I had forgotten about, and pull. I gasp as part of me wakes up that has been asleep for most of my life now. The gasp turns into a scream as the feeling spreads to the rest of me. It's like fire is burning me alive! I twist in his arms and scream in pain and fury.
I remember.
I remember the day Mom died.
The memories crash back into me with terrible clarity. I remember all of it now. I had only allowed myself to remember the visual part of it. Who had been there, what things had looked like. I had shut off the parts of the memories for how I'd felt.
Now I remember why. I scream. I hate everything and everyone. I hate the universe. I'm dying, I want to go be with Mom too.

Tofu is holding and rocking me. I don't know where Daddy is. He's probably with Mommy.
Tofu hadn't saved Mommy. He'd let Mommy die, even though he'd promised he'd save her. HE'D PROMISED! I HATE him. I'm dying. I want to be with Mommy.
Tofu is telling me empty words, that it's going to be okay. I don't believe him. He told me Mommy was going to be okay. HE PROMISED! ... He lied.
He lied!
He lied!
He lied!
I don't want Tofu holding me. I HATE him!
I twist in his arms and weakly try to get him to let me go.

"Hang on, Nabiki! Hang on!" I hear Ranma say.
Wait, who's Ranma? Mommy doesn't know a Ranma. Tofu must have brought him with him. He—
"Come back to me, Kiki, come back!" I hear Tof— ... Ranma say.
Tofu isn't holding me. It's Ranma. Ranma's holding me.
Tofu held me when Mommy died. Ranma is holding me now.
My mind struggles to sort out memory from reality. Everything is merging together strangely. I need an anchor.
"H-help ... m-me..." I manage to choke out in a strangled voice. I don't know if I am talking to Ranma or Tofu.
"I'm tryin', Kiki, stay with me!" I hear him say.
"H-hold me." I whisper as I feel myself twitch as the waves of pain jump my body around like a puppet dangling in a storm.
"I am..." I hear him say.
"Hold me." I repeat weakly, my strength is fading rapidly.
I feel him settle back into the bed with me in his arms. He sits against the head of my bed. Then he shifts me so I am laying with my chest pressing up against his. He shifts my legs down onto the soft bed, then he wraps his legs around mine as he puts my cheek down on his collar bone next to his neck. I can feel the powerful muscles in his body contract as he pulls me up firmly against himself and squeezes me tightly across my hips and shoulders. He squeezes as tightly as I feel I can endure. If he squeezes even a tiny bit more, I know I'll be hurt. It's helping.
"C-cold." I whisper to him. In response, I feel him clench his body then absolutely blaze with the power inside himself. It radiates off him in waves that hit me hard. I shake as they crash into me. The waves of his heat make their way inside me, to my core. They take my frightened and heartbroken seven year old self, and wrap her up in a blanket and hold her while she cries.
I feel the darkness slipping off me.
"M-more." I manage to gasp out.
In response, Ranma buries his face down next to mine and presses his cheek up against mine as he tightens his legs around mine and pushes even more waves of heat into me. He's burning with the power he's drawing on for me.
I feel the darkness break and slide off me. I pull in a tremendous shuddering breath as I arch my back so strongly against him that I actually manage to lift him up away from the head of my bed. I collapse back against him breathing heavily with shuddering, sobbing breaths.
Color, sound and warmth flood back into my reality. The darkness is slipping away. I shiver from a sudden chill on my exposed sweaty skin in the cool night air. I lay on him, exhausted, and feel that his skin is sweaty against mine as well. Both of us are breathing heavily.
I am laying on the edge of the cliff next to the abyss in Ranma's arms, panting with exhaustion. The little heartbroken girl inside me is bawling. I am too. I'm not crying because I'm slipping into the darkness, though. I'm crying because I miss my mother.
Ranma rocks me and whispers soft shushing sounds into my ear. The worst of the pain is receding. Oh God, it hurt so bad! I know I will be scarred forever from the pain. Ranma is helping though. I'm positive I would have fallen into the darkness if he hadn't been with me to pull me out.
I take a long shuddering breath and try to calm my mind down. I'm not better, but I feel that I've managed to get past the worst of it, at least for now. I feel the waves of heat from him recede a bit as my breathing slows.
I tilt my head to the side and my eyes travel down my arm to my hand, which is cupped gently in his. My skin is glowing with a soft golden light, and pulsing softly. Where my skin meets his, my golden aura is merging with his bright yellow one. Instead of just making a different color of yellow though, it's merging together white. I don't know what that means, but just seeing it makes me feel peaceful.
I close my eyes and settle into Ranma and whisper to him. "Will you ... make me warm?"
"Yes." He says softly as he runs his fingers through my hair and rests them at the nape of my neck softly.
I feel a renewed pulse of heat coming from him. It's softer now, gentle, like the lapping waves of an ebbing tide. It's still powerful, but it isn't frantic and desperate like it had been earlier. It reaches into me and makes me feel better. My breathing slows down even more from the rapid panicked pace I was using, to a slower, deeper pace.
"Hold me until the pain goes away?" I ask him in a slightly stronger voice.
"Of course." He says as he continues to rock with me side to side.
I know I am asking a lot of him. I told him that I didn't want to be engaged to him unless he asked me properly; I made him promise to break up with the other girls. I set out terms for him to be in a relationship with me. And because I'm not strong like Akane, I make him feel like he has to fight for me, to protect me. He even jumps off buildings for me. And I'm sure I scared him earlier when I told him not to choose me, even though I hadn't meant it. In a lot of ways I am nothing but trouble for him. But every time I need him, he's there for me. I love him for that.
My breathing is slowing down more, and my muscles are starting to unclench. I hope desperately that Tofu is doing for Kasumi right now what Ranma is doing for me. I have to make sure. I lift my head up from his chest. "K-Kasumi?" I whisper.
"She's okay, your Dad is with her." Ranma whispers back.
"T-Tofu?" I ask.
"He's with her too. They told me to take care of you while they took care of her."
I am very happy to hear that. I nod softly and lay my head back down on his chest. Kasumi will be all right if Tofu is with her and does what Ranma is doing. Kasumi will need Tofu as much as I need Ranma, if Kasumi is going through the same thing.
I don't think Akane is quite as badly affected as Kasumi and I are. Daddy had sent Kasumi to take Akane to a neighbor's house on the day it had happened. Daddy must have known the end was near.
It had happened while Kasumi had been taking Akane to the neighbor. Only I was there. Only I heard Daddy's wail of grief, and Tofu's repeated curses to anything and everything, especially the Gods.
I know that Tofu broke his hand punching the walls in Daddy's room after Mom died. I also know that Daddy has never bothered to fix those holes. They are still there, behind pictures and other wall fixtures.
The rest of Daddy's room is still exactly the way it was when Mom died. He hasn't ever moved anything of Mom's. He dusts Mom's things, but he leaves them all exactly where they had been, right down to the clothes Mom had been carrying when she had stumbled from her illness. They were still laying right where they had been dropped.
All of us girls know to stay out of Daddy's room unless it's necessary, and to never touch anything that had been Mom's that was in that room.
In most ways, Daddy never left that room. That was the room Mom had died in, and I know that Daddy only ever left the room because of me and my sisters. I know that he hadn't wanted to.
Daddy had ... Daddy had fallen into the darkness, I realize.
Daddy hadn't had anyone to hold him, to help him fight the darkness back. My sisters and I had been too young then, and there was nobody else, and Daddy had needed to be strong, for us.
More hot tears escape my eyes as I think about it all. The grief is still raw and right on the surface. I need to not think about it right now.
"R-Ranma...?" I whisper.
"Yes?" He says in a concerned voice.
"Can you ... can you tell me a story?" I ask weakly. I need something, anything, to take my mind off of thoughts about Mom.
"I don't really know any—"
"Please ... Ranma ... please ... just, any story ...please?" I whisper as I clench my muscles again in his arms and strain against the tears that are pushing past my closed eyes.
He nods and starts telling me about his training trips with his Dad. His story is just day-to-day stuff and details about their training. But it's enough. I focus on his voice, and the words he is saying, and push my grief under that focus. My breathing slows again.

***

"Thank you." I whisper a long time later to him as his story gets more and more quiet as the time passes, and my tears stop and my breathing slows down. I feel sleepy now. The darkness is claiming me again, but it's all right, this darkness isn't scary. I snuggle into him and smile softly. He squeezes me gently in response. He smells like ... "You smell like my mother," I say sleepily.
"I do?" He asks in a confused voice.
I nod peacefully as sleep claims me. "You came back for me." I say softly. It's a statement, not a question.
"Of course." He says just as softly.
"Even though I said..." I whisper.
"Even though..." He replies softly.
"I didn't mean it, I—"
"I know." He says softly.
"I'm sorry ... you had to ..." I whisper, embarrassed at my weakness, and what he went through to help me.
"I would do it again!" He whispers fiercely.
"Did you hear ..." I try to ask. I hope he didn't hear me lose control with Akane and Tofu.
"I heard everything. I'm so sorry." He says in the most serious voice I have ever heard him use.
I nod slowly. I decide I am all right with him sharing all of that with me. He's a part of me now.
"Anything you need from me, just let me know, okay?" He says kindly as he runs his fingers through my hair again.
"...giving ...what ...need." I whisper.
"Kiki?"
"Yes?" I answer, sleepily.
"I ... I ... I'll..."
I know what he's trying to say. I felt it in his aura earlier. I don't need him to say it yet. He saved me from the darkness.
I'm warm now.